


Barriss Has a Sandwich Problem

by ZombieCatTookMyPudding



Series: Deliciously Funny Star Wars Adventures [3]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cookies, Crack, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Out of character characters, POV Third Person, Parody, Sandwiches, Slapstick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-08-04 21:36:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16354721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieCatTookMyPudding/pseuds/ZombieCatTookMyPudding
Summary: Slightly more angsty but official prequel toAhsoka Eats All the Cookies!All Barriss ever wanted was some sandwiches, but everyone else tells her obsession is so bad, it's a problem. A sandwich problem.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't figured it out from the description, this is a counterpart/prequel to _Ahsoka Eats All the Cookies!_ My brother (yes, the same one who mostly came up with the idea for the aforementioned fanfic) and I were playing the Lego video game version of _Clone Wars_ , and this is something we came up with while playing the Geonosis level. (Mostly this part where you have to make a giant sandwich to get up to a switch or something like that.)

"NOMNOMNOM. Mmm..." Barriss smiled as the sauces of her sandwich dripped down her chubby yellow-green cheeks.

"We will be sure to head out immediately. Right, Barriss?" Luminara asked.

"Numnumnumnumnum," Barriss wasn't listening. She was too in love with the taste of the sandwich.

"...I said, ' _right,_ Barriss?'" Luminara raised a scolding eyebrow at her.

"Hm?" She swallowed. "Oh, uh, yeah. Sure, sure thing." Her big blue eyes crossed as she focused on the sandwich. "Whatever it was you just said."

Luminara sighed. "We will call you back when we get an update," she said to Yoda as she turned the holographic image of him off. "Barriss," she put her hands on her hips, her Padawan looking up at her. "I must say I'm a bit...concerned at how many sandwiches you've been eating lately."

"Really? Why do you say that?" Standing up, her foot made a crack in he stone floor beneath them. Luminara was not amused. "...All right, so..." Barriss set her tiny, plump hands on her big belly, "...maybe I've been gaining a _little_ bit of weight, lately, but it shouldn't stop me from being a Jedi, right?"

_**CRACK!** _

"Uh-oh...AAAAAAH!" Barriss screamed as the floor broke beneath her. And the next one. Annd the next one. ANNND the next one. Who knew the Jedi Temple had SO MANY FLOORS?!

* * *

"Unngh...ngh!" Barriss tried to get up. "NGH! NGH! NGH!" She flailed her fat arms and legs, but it was hardly any use. Or, at least, it wasn't...

...until she caught a whiff of her favorite kind of sandwich.

Grunting and groaning, she managed to break through all the walls by rolling through them LIKE A GIANT BOWLING BALL, until she came to the outside, where Mace Windu was about to enjoy his lunch. Frozen at the sight of the large Padawan grinning at him, he looked at her, at his sandwich, and then back at her again.

"...Erm...hello, Padawan Offee." Looking back at his sandwich, and then her again, he continued: "...is there something I can help you with?"

"May I have some?" Barriss whispered, her eyes sparkling.

"...No. This...this is my lunch." Windu said, backing away slowly, finding himself unusually intimidated. "...If...if you would like a sandwich, you...you should probably go make one for yourself in the kitchen." Barriss looked up at the Temple where the kitchen was.

"But...the kitchen is all the way over there. And...your sandwich is right here." Smiling, she took a step forward, but Windu used his free hand to draw his purple lightsaber.

"Forget it, Padawan Offee! This is _MY_ sandwich!"

Her blue eyes derping in different directions, her face became angrier.

 _ **"GIVE ME YOUR SANDWICH!"**_ she screamed, her voice demonic.

"NU IT'S _MEH_ SANDWICH!" Windu ran off, his arms like noodles.

But that didn't stop Barriss from rolling like a FREAKIN BOWLING BALL (oh, wait, used that description already. Oh well,) until she SAT ON TOP OF HIM.

**STOMP.**

Smashing her foot into the ground, she forced the sandwich from Windu's hand into her mouth.

"Barriss! I'm ashamed of you!" Luminara yelled from behind. Using the Force, she lifted Barriss off of Windu (albeit, with a struggle) and carried her off.

"Where are you taking me, Master?"

"To the gym."

"Huh. I didn't know we had a gym. Can I at least have sandwiches, there?"

"No. You're not going to leave until you've dealt with your _serious_ sandwich problem!"

"NNNNNOOOOO!"


	2. Chapter 2

Panting, the Barriss ball struggled to keep up with the slow pace of the treadmill.

Nearby, Ahsoka Tano, a fellow Padawan of hers, was munching on a cookie.

"So...tired..." the Miralian groaned.

"Maybe you should'a thought of that before you ate all those sandwiches." Ahsoka murmured, her mouth full.

Barriss' head doing a 360, she glared at the Tortuga behind her. **"You know, when you get fat off all those cookies you snack off of, I will _point_ and _laugh_ at you," **she said in her demonic voice.

Unfazed, Ahsoka simply gave a light laugh. "No you won't; you're too nice for that."

Sighing, Barriss stopped walking on the treadmill, and let it slide her off until she fell flat on her back, all the flab making a nice _SQUISH_ sound upon landing. "Uff!" she kicked one leg into the air. "Ugh!" she kicked the other. "NGH! NGH! NGH!" she began to rapidly kick both of her legs until a fart slipped out of her, propelling her backwards and onto her stomach. "...NGH!" Barriss tried to push herself to her feet with her hands, but couldn't get off the floor. "NGH! NGH! NGH!"

Chuckling, Ahsoka used the Force to help her to her feet.

By now, Barriss was sweaty and out of breath. Getting to her feet was another workout altogether! "I'm going to go get a sandwich," she breathed. 

"Really?" Ahsoka asked playfully. "After all that hard work you've done?"

 **"I'M GOING TO GO GET A SANDWICH!"** Barriss roared, the level of her voice knocking Ahsoka to the ground.

STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp...

Ahsoka got to her feet, listening as Barriss' unusually loud footsteps began to fade away. Luminara had instructed her not to let Barriss leave the room unless absolutely necessary, and if she found out, Ahsoka could easily get in trouble. It wasn't that she particularly cared about being called out for breaking rules, she only sought to stay out of trouble if to avoid punishments, like cleaning the Jedi toilets, like Anakin made her do _last time_ she got in trouble.

"Hm..." reaching into the jar she grabbed from the kitchen, she found it was empty. "Empty cookie jar," she thought aloud. "That's necessary reason enough to leave the room. Hey, Barriss! Wait up!"

* * *

Down in the kitchen, Barriss stacked her sandwiches together: piling them so high they nearly toppled over, she collected them on a plate, and went to sit on a stool...

**_SMASH!_ **

Growling, Barriss face-palmed, accidentally covering her face in the mayo that was on her hand. Then noticing that, she looked around for napkins to clean herself off. Seeing some on the counter across the room, she focused and tried to use the Force to lift them over to her. The only hard part was reaching her stubby, flabby arms out to grab them. Almost...got it...

"Yes!" Barriss laughed triumphantly at her small victory.

_**CRACK!** _

Barriss' weight with the napkins must have been too much for the floor to handle!

"Not again!" Barriss screamed as the floor broke beneath her. And the next one. Annd the next one. ANNND the next one...

...until she finally hit the bottom floor of the Jedi Temple, and rolled out the nearest window. 

"HELP!" She tried in vain to stop her tumbling, but no avail.

Luminara watched her Padawan roll down the path towards the busier parts of Couruscant, and shook her head disapprovingly. 

**Author's Note:**

> I know, kind of short and not too crack-y yet, but I'm planning to write more chapters later.


End file.
